While digging through my archives...
1 AM, journal entry 5/7/2007
"Dear Lord, My 'Calculus-MATH-152-I-think-I'm-gonna-die' test is tomorrow-I'm SO stressed out. That exam tonight - even though it was practice - made me feel SO unprepared. Lord, I need confidence. For some/most of the answers it felt (once I knew the answer) like I was just a 'step' away. Lord, when you created me why didn't you make me math smart? I really feel like engineering is where You want me-or am I wrong there?! Not being good in math is confusing. I get stuff jumbled up and backwards - I just can't keep it straight - that's why I'm so in need of your help. Man, I wasted so much time - will I ever learn? God, I have no idea how I'm going to do on this test tomorrow. NO IDEA. I mean, it's like if they ask the question one way - I can get it. Another way? I'm screwed. Ugh, it's frustrating when all my friends are getting A's and I'm barely scraping for a 'C'. I guess this semesters going to tell a lot huh? I mean, You could fail me pretty easy - see? NO CONFIDENCE! Lord, be my confidence - even though I don't even understand what that means.
I got an 85 on this test. The highest grade I've ever received in a college calculus class up until that time.
"Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know" - Jeremiah 33:3 (emphasis added)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Comment on Paradise Lost 7.542
While I am not quite certain as to whether or not I am writing as a result of some profound inspiration or rather, having read far too much Milton (or drinking two cups of coffee), I have a couple observations that I would like to explore here within John Milton's Paradise Lost.
Written as the only "English" Epic, or example of Epic poetry written in the English language for English culture, is a story about the fall of Lucifer, mankind, and written in the Epic style following that of Homer and Virgil (i.e. the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Aeneid).
What I would like to explore is found in a scene set amidst a sort of re-telling of the Creation, and the comment is made about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It reads:
"...but of the Tree
Which tasted works knowledge of Good and Evil,
Thou mai'st not; in the day thou eat'st, thou di'st;
Death is the penaltie impos'd, beware," - Paradise Lost 7.742-745
Keeping in mind that "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23)
It's interesting to me that God has maintained His standard of zero tolerance and, yet, infinite mercy - since the beginning. That is, He is a profoundly consistent God.
Even sitting in lecture having come to the conclusion that the atheistic world view is not one to vehemently disagree with, but rather to pity. It is out of ignorance, not valid thought, that they have arrived at their conclusions. Let the argument begin at a mere 'showing' of the spiritual realm in terms of simple cause and effect cited by the Spiritually Elect (John Calvin theology aside, let this stand to be anyone saved by grace - Romans 10:9, Ephesians 2:8). That is, for example, that when I go to sleep after praying the Armor of God over myself (Ephesians 6) I sleep far better than on the nights that I don't. On the latter nights, I have awoken from dreams being chased by cannibalistic tribes and out-of-control car accidents - should I intentionally fail to pray these things to generate more evidence? Or what of the girl in my lifegroup who, after being tormented by nightmares for several months, came to the Lord, and mid-nightmare (having memorized every subsequent 'scene') sees herself crying to the Lord, Him coming, and the dream evaporating - and the dream is yet to return? Miracles are for today. It's this sort of thing that I think His mercy reaches to, that atheist are simply not familiar with. So keep Romans 2:4 in mind, and kindly illustrate when the opportunity arises (and not a moment before). It is this sort of unreasoning to which the Word speaks "and they will overcome by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of their testimony" (Revelation 12:11). So share first the testimony of our consistent God, the workings of His in your life, and share second the wrote memorization of the gospel tract. Let this be our default, unless the Spirit Himself leads otherwise.
Written as the only "English" Epic, or example of Epic poetry written in the English language for English culture, is a story about the fall of Lucifer, mankind, and written in the Epic style following that of Homer and Virgil (i.e. the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Aeneid).
What I would like to explore is found in a scene set amidst a sort of re-telling of the Creation, and the comment is made about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It reads:
"...but of the Tree
Which tasted works knowledge of Good and Evil,
Thou mai'st not; in the day thou eat'st, thou di'st;
Death is the penaltie impos'd, beware," - Paradise Lost 7.742-745
Keeping in mind that "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23)
It's interesting to me that God has maintained His standard of zero tolerance and, yet, infinite mercy - since the beginning. That is, He is a profoundly consistent God.
Even sitting in lecture having come to the conclusion that the atheistic world view is not one to vehemently disagree with, but rather to pity. It is out of ignorance, not valid thought, that they have arrived at their conclusions. Let the argument begin at a mere 'showing' of the spiritual realm in terms of simple cause and effect cited by the Spiritually Elect (John Calvin theology aside, let this stand to be anyone saved by grace - Romans 10:9, Ephesians 2:8). That is, for example, that when I go to sleep after praying the Armor of God over myself (Ephesians 6) I sleep far better than on the nights that I don't. On the latter nights, I have awoken from dreams being chased by cannibalistic tribes and out-of-control car accidents - should I intentionally fail to pray these things to generate more evidence? Or what of the girl in my lifegroup who, after being tormented by nightmares for several months, came to the Lord, and mid-nightmare (having memorized every subsequent 'scene') sees herself crying to the Lord, Him coming, and the dream evaporating - and the dream is yet to return? Miracles are for today. It's this sort of thing that I think His mercy reaches to, that atheist are simply not familiar with. So keep Romans 2:4 in mind, and kindly illustrate when the opportunity arises (and not a moment before). It is this sort of unreasoning to which the Word speaks "and they will overcome by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of their testimony" (Revelation 12:11). So share first the testimony of our consistent God, the workings of His in your life, and share second the wrote memorization of the gospel tract. Let this be our default, unless the Spirit Himself leads otherwise.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The Third Letter - A Brief History of the Beast
My Dear Roachrock,
I have been meaning to write to you about a peculiar subject that the Followers seem to vary on their confusion of. This is good, but I must ensure that you are on the proper side of war in this.
The subject of which I am referring to is that of Difficult Circumstance. Despite the intuition to feed the Followers to it relentlessly, I assure you, that that would be folly indeed. Difficult Circumstance has a trifling history, of which I shall only summarize below:
In the Garden, the Beast was released to show the Originals what a life separated from Light is realized to be. Over time, the Animal became ever stronger as our Watchers kept feeding it. This was relatively easy once we acquired our key. For whatever reason, the Light allows us to infect the nature of the Race on an intimate level, thus allowing the early Watchers to grow the Animal to a considerable size. One Member of the Race causing the beast to attack another Member would incite Hatred, Rage, Confusion, Murder, etc. At the time, we had thought the Light had made a gross error in judgment (the early Watchers weren’t very bright) and continued to tear through the ranks of the Race. We strengthened our existing numbers greatly during those first few decades of folly, only to lose valuable ground in the end. You must act from a place of realization Roachrock, that it was folly indeed. You see, what we did not realize is that the Beast, that is a mercenary to us, is simply another vessel for the Light. While we use it, the Light uses it more, so my advice is to not use it at all. Even Watchers today repeat the mistake by feeding it with entire lives, but are then consumed when the life decides to invoke the Perseverance of the Liberator. If the Followers ever realize that it is this Animal that refines them, that reveals what they genuinely believe about themselves, and, more importantly, about the Liberator…they would welcome it and their dedication to the Literature would increase tenfold. We would lose incredible ground.
So you see why it is crucial to isolate and destroy. Keep them from community whenever possible, and do not let Perseverance show them the Truth as to what they believe. I do not mean the Truth proper. I mean to say, yes, do not let them see the Map, but do not let them see their own heading, or see the stars, or use their own charts either. Preventing them from understanding where they are takes care of the problem of their setting sail. Roachrock, if they are allowed to see what they believe, and amend it, the turbulent waters the Beast creates will no longer trouble them. It will have fulfilled its purpose intended by the Light. Joy himself might find you, and at that moment, you shall find yourself absent of much more than a position.
Be Diligent,
~Shrapnel
I have been meaning to write to you about a peculiar subject that the Followers seem to vary on their confusion of. This is good, but I must ensure that you are on the proper side of war in this.
The subject of which I am referring to is that of Difficult Circumstance. Despite the intuition to feed the Followers to it relentlessly, I assure you, that that would be folly indeed. Difficult Circumstance has a trifling history, of which I shall only summarize below:
In the Garden, the Beast was released to show the Originals what a life separated from Light is realized to be. Over time, the Animal became ever stronger as our Watchers kept feeding it. This was relatively easy once we acquired our key. For whatever reason, the Light allows us to infect the nature of the Race on an intimate level, thus allowing the early Watchers to grow the Animal to a considerable size. One Member of the Race causing the beast to attack another Member would incite Hatred, Rage, Confusion, Murder, etc. At the time, we had thought the Light had made a gross error in judgment (the early Watchers weren’t very bright) and continued to tear through the ranks of the Race. We strengthened our existing numbers greatly during those first few decades of folly, only to lose valuable ground in the end. You must act from a place of realization Roachrock, that it was folly indeed. You see, what we did not realize is that the Beast, that is a mercenary to us, is simply another vessel for the Light. While we use it, the Light uses it more, so my advice is to not use it at all. Even Watchers today repeat the mistake by feeding it with entire lives, but are then consumed when the life decides to invoke the Perseverance of the Liberator. If the Followers ever realize that it is this Animal that refines them, that reveals what they genuinely believe about themselves, and, more importantly, about the Liberator…they would welcome it and their dedication to the Literature would increase tenfold. We would lose incredible ground.
So you see why it is crucial to isolate and destroy. Keep them from community whenever possible, and do not let Perseverance show them the Truth as to what they believe. I do not mean the Truth proper. I mean to say, yes, do not let them see the Map, but do not let them see their own heading, or see the stars, or use their own charts either. Preventing them from understanding where they are takes care of the problem of their setting sail. Roachrock, if they are allowed to see what they believe, and amend it, the turbulent waters the Beast creates will no longer trouble them. It will have fulfilled its purpose intended by the Light. Joy himself might find you, and at that moment, you shall find yourself absent of much more than a position.
Be Diligent,
~Shrapnel
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The Second Letter - Gatherings
My Dear Roachrock,
I was very much pleased when I heard of your new assignment. The Gathering has been operational for quite some time, and every now and again, a Follower comes through and gives us genuine trouble. It is a worthy endeavor, often easy, but far from mindless. You must keep watch, rounding on them when you can. Consult with your captains; I assume someone dispatched to you has some military experience.
Whenever someone is new to the Gathering, an often successful tactic is to prevent them from ‘sticking’. Concentrate your resources on keeping new arrivals distracted during their first few visits. Simultaneously, keep the other Followers bent on doing ‘other’ kinds of ‘good’. You see, sometimes we must willingly encourage good behavior, to secure the more important cargo. Provided you keep the Followers busy running around doing things for each other, offering them good questions to ask friends they already know, convincing them to better their appearance, etc, you should have little difficulty in ensuring the new arrival is unnoticed, not-cared for, and missed entirely. At this point you can leave it up to their own nature (and by all means feed it), to foster Loneliness, Depression, and, ultimately, Doubt.
Concerning your reply, a Changed is a formidable adversary for this express reason: they are wary to your existence, and if alerted to your presence, will have you (and anyone else) forcibly removed from the Area (with a caveat*).
-Shrapnel
*If this is the case, re-entry is only permissible (and possible), once the Host approves it. Messengers are rather slow, so act wisely.
I was very much pleased when I heard of your new assignment. The Gathering has been operational for quite some time, and every now and again, a Follower comes through and gives us genuine trouble. It is a worthy endeavor, often easy, but far from mindless. You must keep watch, rounding on them when you can. Consult with your captains; I assume someone dispatched to you has some military experience.
Whenever someone is new to the Gathering, an often successful tactic is to prevent them from ‘sticking’. Concentrate your resources on keeping new arrivals distracted during their first few visits. Simultaneously, keep the other Followers bent on doing ‘other’ kinds of ‘good’. You see, sometimes we must willingly encourage good behavior, to secure the more important cargo. Provided you keep the Followers busy running around doing things for each other, offering them good questions to ask friends they already know, convincing them to better their appearance, etc, you should have little difficulty in ensuring the new arrival is unnoticed, not-cared for, and missed entirely. At this point you can leave it up to their own nature (and by all means feed it), to foster Loneliness, Depression, and, ultimately, Doubt.
Concerning your reply, a Changed is a formidable adversary for this express reason: they are wary to your existence, and if alerted to your presence, will have you (and anyone else) forcibly removed from the Area (with a caveat*).
-Shrapnel
*If this is the case, re-entry is only permissible (and possible), once the Host approves it. Messengers are rather slow, so act wisely.
The First Letter - The Disease of Christianity
My Dear Roachrock,
I am working on compiling a list of bottles and potions that you should look into. They may help with the Area, it seems the Followers are realizing a bit too much. I have requested reinforcements from the High Command, and they will be dispatched to you shortly. Please note, that due to your rank, they are mostly worthless underlings so don’t send them back by rushing them to the front lines. Remember what I taught you, be subtle, and wait until they are thoroughly in fleshly 'need'. Human weakness is their memory. What follows is an elementary Features list of the Disease. The Symptoms are characteristics of the Changed.
Name
Real Christianity
Cause
A decision made by the patient to follow Jesus Christ, coupled with a belief that He died for their sins and rose again three days later.
Symptoms
A complete reliance on Jesus, which in all cases yields the following:
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
Treatment
Entice them to walk according to their flesh. It is our greatest ally, in all cases it yields the following:
Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.
Terminal
Yes
Roachrock, I must encourage you some, sometimes it often slips into that glorious phase of ‘Lukewarm’ where the patient buys into enough lies so as to pick and choose which portions of their truth they believe. In this case, we have them, as a Partial (ref. Rocky Soil) isn’t one at all – in the end. They only desire the social or positive benefits they can gain from the Changed, these are excellent targets for your new regiment. Do not attack the Changed with what I am sending.
- Shrapnel
I am working on compiling a list of bottles and potions that you should look into. They may help with the Area, it seems the Followers are realizing a bit too much. I have requested reinforcements from the High Command, and they will be dispatched to you shortly. Please note, that due to your rank, they are mostly worthless underlings so don’t send them back by rushing them to the front lines. Remember what I taught you, be subtle, and wait until they are thoroughly in fleshly 'need'. Human weakness is their memory. What follows is an elementary Features list of the Disease. The Symptoms are characteristics of the Changed.
Name
Real Christianity
Cause
A decision made by the patient to follow Jesus Christ, coupled with a belief that He died for their sins and rose again three days later.
Symptoms
A complete reliance on Jesus, which in all cases yields the following:
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
Treatment
Entice them to walk according to their flesh. It is our greatest ally, in all cases it yields the following:
Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.
Terminal
Yes
Roachrock, I must encourage you some, sometimes it often slips into that glorious phase of ‘Lukewarm’ where the patient buys into enough lies so as to pick and choose which portions of their truth they believe. In this case, we have them, as a Partial (ref. Rocky Soil) isn’t one at all – in the end. They only desire the social or positive benefits they can gain from the Changed, these are excellent targets for your new regiment. Do not attack the Changed with what I am sending.
- Shrapnel
Saturday, June 20, 2009
do you know
I want to share something that the Lord has answered for me. Tonight, He answered a prayer “Lord, I want to be brought to my knees with how much you love me”. I was praying, pouring my heart out before the Lord. I realized how much I don’t deserve His grace. He says that anyone who has been forgiven much, loves much. It makes sense to me for the Lord to save people who have led homosexual lifestyles, drug addicts, porn stars (thepinkcross.org), alcoholics, rapists, murders, and the like. The sins that often bear worse consequences in this life, the ones that are just as deadly to our eternity as lying, stealing, or a crude comment. Indeed, it doesn’t take much to send us to Hell. As I began to pray, I began to see how much it didn’t make sense for the Lord to save me. I have nothing to offer Him compared to someone saved from so dark a past. I could see His mercy so clearly. There I was, with what little sin I had, enough to condemn for all of eternity. But I know the Scriptures: that those who are His have been chosen from the foundations of the world. So somewhere in there, He had a choice. To save me, with my little, but fatal sin, or to save someone else…someone who could love Him more than me. Someone who would preach louder, someone who would tell everyone how much God loves them, someone who would follow closer, hold on tighter, be bolder, more radical, and more in love with Him as He so rightly deserves. Than me. With tears in my eyes, I write this: THE LORD STILL CHOSE ME, if you don’t have an awful background then you should be relating to me a lot right now. If you grew up in a Christian home, then these words are just as true for you as they are for me. SEE HIS GRACE. DON’T MISS IT!!! DON’T be hard hearted. Let Him melt you to nothing. It doesn’t depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on the Lord who has mercy…and after a few conversations, I realize that I have been spared of so much. He has been infinitely merciful to me. He had absolutely no reason whatsoever to die for me, but He chose to anyway. While I was still a sinner even. Christ died for the ungodly. He died for me. When I was dead in my transgressions. He died for me. When I was clicking away at pornography. He died for me. When I hide away and don’t share what He is doing. He died for me. He died for me. He is good. He is good. He is good. He is good. He is good. He is good. Oh, I can’t write it enough beloved. Do you know that? Do you know how much He loves you? Do you realize the degree of mercy shown to you? Please don’t miss it. Please trust Him. He is worth it. He has changed me forever. No one else can do that. No one else wants to do that. Not only did He, but He did so with wanting . He pursued me relentlessly . He loves me unconditionally. He wanted to. He wanted to. He died because He wanted to. He sacrificed Himself, bled and died, because He wanted to. He wanted to save us. It’s His heart for us to know Him. To believe Him. To give our lives away to Him. To trust Him with everything. Do you know that? Do you know that life is just a construct of His to communicate His love for us? It’s difficult, impossible, ridiculous situations are there because He wants to show us that He is the ONLY thing that can pull us through them. He doesn’t want us to just think . He desires us to know. He just asks that we believe with all our heart, that we love Him with everything, and that we deeply love each other.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
What do you mean there's war?
Hold on tight...or let go if you have the courage.
1 Samuel 17:45-48
"The Philistine also said to David, "Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field."Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of
"Then it happened when the Philistine rose and came and drew near to meet David, that David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine."
Are you running towards the battle line? Do you even know where the battle is?
Saint listen. The reality is that time is of the essence (Eph 5:16), the reality is that we are engaged in spiritual warfare (Eph 6:12), the reality is that there is an enemy (1 Peter 5:8), the reality is that Satan is at work (Eph 2:2), and we must stand, fight, and live (Eph 6:10, 1 Thess 3:8).
Satan has lulled us to sleep with the 'I go to class, I listen, and I leave' mentality. He has experienced success on nearly every front in the lives of Christians to incapacitate, immobilize, and render ineffective the calling Christ has placed on us. But even Satan can't hold us, his success can't last (Rom 8:37). Saint listen, we must pray. Pray, pray, pray (1 Thess 5:17). We must believe in the power of prayer (James 1:6) and fight. I fear that many of you are succumbing to the lies of the enemy are buying in bulk into the distractions of this world. Let me ask you this: is Christ your treasure? I mean, do you consider Him to be the supremely valuable thing in your life? If you are unsure as to the answer of this question then might I invite you to examine the things you currently want. Think about the way that money is spent. Think about the other uses of your time. Think about how often you've thought of others exclusively this past week. You may ask is such selflessness Biblical? The answer is YES, resoundingly so!
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;" Philippians 2:3
More than being Biblical is the reality that this is the cornerstone to boldness. If you don’t believe me then remind me to introduce you to my mother. I come from a bold family, and it’s time I shared the little I know as to how it operates.
Most people view boldness as a task, a mindset in which they must distance themselves from the individual they are approaching and make their statements and (hopefully) get out before weapons appear. However, boldness works based on Philippians 2:3 – it begins with being others oriented. Love, breathe, work for, be taken advantage of by, study, other people. This is the key to boldness. It’s seeing a harsh comment made by them as a potential sign of deep seated pain. It’s looking at what they wear and seeing a lost soul in search of an identity. It’s observing their attitude and noting when they pause, when you might have an in. It’s realizing that your pride isn’t worth their eternity. Are you sitting by them? Let your heart break. Let yourself ask enough questions about them mentally until you can’t take it anymore. For example:
I was waiting for a bus at the Trigon bus stop at around 830 at night. I noticed a kid sitting next to me that was obviously not American. I’m not too good with cultural backgrounds, but I thought to myself “that guy is just not attractive”, and about half a second later, my Spirit chimes in and reminds me “but Jesus loves him”. I thought about some words someone said to me a long time ago that most likely triggered the insecurity and began to think about this kid sitting next to me. I began to place myself in his shoes. Foreign, possibly few friends (which means alone), maybe a freshman…I tried to relate with my own feelings of loneliness and realized that this guy has probably felt on a deeper level what I’ve only scratched the surface on. I realized then and there that sitting next to him wasn’t a coincidence, but an opportunity. This is my thought process before I approach someone, I think about all the suicides I’ve heard about and wondered if they could have been stopped if only someone had had the courage to say ‘howdy’ or ‘how’s school?’ I mean, think about it: we get lied to by Satan into not saying these simple phrases just because we don’t want to feel awkward. Just so we don’t look stupid for not knowing what to say. What if that saves someone’s life? Okay, so maybe 98% of the time the person you talk to will be like SuHendra, the guy at the bus stop. While he was a freshman, he had lots of friends, and was plugged into a Chinese church – the Spirit let me know that he was going to be fine. That’s all I really feel called to look for, just get them to a Church, get them to a spiritual safe-haven where the Spirit of Grace can minister to them. Sometimes that’s Breakaway, sometimes it’s my own homegroup, just somewhere with good doctrine. I have my favorites depending on how the Spirit leads me.
My point is that the first line to open a conversation is often the hardest. To do it we are breaking the cultural norms with the express intent to share the gospel. Really? I’m just trying to get you to open your mouth. Welcome to the front lines friend. Run!
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